I believe I will die very soon

Today I was thinking about death. Because I feels very tired & weak. Normally Alhumdulliah by the blessing of Allah I am healthy & wealthy.

I was wondering after death what I will take with me as good deeds?

What I did till now?

All I can count I did bad.

I saw people doing bad & didn’t stop them.

People doing Adultery I keep silent.

Some of my friends cheat others, I just keep silent.

Some of my friends make girlfriend just for sex & later on change to new one. I saw keep silent.

Some drink alcohol & encourage others to join with them, what I did? I keep silent.

Some of my friends do sex & gossip with me, I either left the place or ignore them but I didn’t stop them.

I saw my friends kiss their girlfriends & touch the secret part of the body, I was help less to stop them.

I saw my friends doing cheating in the exam I keep silent.

I saw friends share dirty movies among them I keep silent.

My friends steal things from others I keep silent.

Even some of my seniors doing very bad still I keep silent.

All the time I raise my voice all my friends ask me be a Man. For them I am not a Man. Some times I think what I am? If I am not a man & woman then what? Some thing at the middle?

This world I can’t raise my voice but after death how I will raise my voice?

In front of GOD what I will tell?

How I will hide my face from GOD?

How I will defend my self?

Who will be my protector?

All the bad things my friends did in front of me & I keep silent GOD will not forgive me. I will be the first punisher.

Because I saw & keep silent didn’t do nothing. God give us the Quran but I didn’t follow it properly. All the blames go to me.

I will not speak that time. My hands, eyes, ears, legs, nose will speak that time against me. I will not have the control of my self that time.

What I will do that time?

Now I am thinking & thinking but I am already very late. Still go time to fix or not I don’t know. Because I don’t know when I will die? Death never give advance notice that “Get ready I am coming” like in the movies.

Real life is totally different from movies. Life means peace & harmony. The way I am leading my life SEX & HARM.

The Hell keepers will be very happy after my death. I think the HELL keeper is making the fire more hotter & hotter for me. Then GOD will put me in that Fire………………..

I can’t think of it any more. I am so sinful.